Good Medicine

so you want to be a writerA couple weeks back, while walking through a bookstore in Hayes Valley with my mom, she pointed out a poem posted on one of the shelves, slightly hidden among the cookbooks, graphic novels and rare editions of the classics. It’s a poem I’ve heard before, one by Charles Bukowski called so you want to be a writer? In his words:

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you

in spite of everything,

don’t do it.

unless it comes unasked out of your

heart and your mind and your mouth

and your gut,

don’t do it.

if you have to sit for hours

staring at your computer screen

or hunched over your


searching for words,

don’t do it…

unless the sun inside you is

burning your gut,

don’t do it.

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In The Waiting Period

CoffeeIt has been a long time since I last posted on this site. A year and a half to be exact. And in that year and a half, I have not had a period. (Guys, don’t feel like you have to stop reading here…but if you’re already freaked out, then that’s okay, I give you complete permission to leave.)

In this time (since April of last year), I have been through some major changes. I’ve shared a dark secret with my parents and as a result experienced the most profound example of grace in my life to-date. I’ve dated, gotten engaged to, and broken up with a man I was convinced was the one. I’ve moved to San Francisco, found an incredible church community, and met some amazing people whom I now count among my best friends.

Above all else, though, I have grown intimately in love with my Creator. He has pursued me faithfully, and I sense that He continues to walk beside me as I wait for the conclusion to some major question marks in my life. I am actively seeking out shalom – working toward resolution in my broken relationships, trying to be healthy so that my period will return, and attempting to understand God’s intention in that most mysterious of relationships: marriage.

I’m still waiting, but I’m not silent. I’ve been sharing my story with my girlfriends, my family, my pastors. And what I’ve learned is that I’m not alone. Lots of other women are struggling with hormone imbalances, infertility, and confusion or frustration in their dating/married life. So now I’m sharing with you, hoping that you’ll be encouraged and challenged…and if you have insight, then please, please share.